Free and Permanent Hemorrhoid Cure

I KNOW HOW TO CURE HEMORRHOIDS

(This information will cure your hemorrhoids permanently and naturally for free without surgery.
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I'm forty years old (2022 update:  I'm now 56 years old, and I can't think of any way to improve this information; increased muscle tone and reduced pressure simply works). When I was a teenager, I told my mother about a lump on my anus that was hurting me and bleeding. She said it was a hemorrhoid, and with a quick office visit to Dr. Jenkins, we (I'm not recommending this!) had it surgically removed. (That means he cut it out while I lay on my side in his office.) Yeowwwweeee!! I never did that again! But I kept getting hemorrhoids. And sometimes they really hurt bad! Sometimes I couldn't even sit properly. But that was then. I am a thin and healthy looking (6'-0", 150-160 lb., 183 cm, 68-72 kg) guy. But I kept getting hemorrhoids because I was spending too much time sitting on the toilet (which may have had something to do with the way I ate), I had poor posture, and I was not wearing my pants right. Finally I started experimenting like a good scientist and figured out how to stop hemorrhoids. The purpose of this post is to share my experience and success. In a nutshell, you get your toilet time down, way down, you make your posture muscles do their job, and you ease up on your clothing waist.

WHY YOU GET HEMORRHOIDS

Hemorrhoids are swollen (varicose) blood vessels that form at the end of our large intestine (that's you and me, the hemorrhoid people), aka our colon, and sometimes stick out where we can feel them as a lump in the bath or when we are wiping our bottom after using the toilet. Our hemorrhoids sometimes hurt enough to make life tough as we sit, stand, work, and play. Our hemorrhoids sometimes bleed and sometimes develop blood clots.
Our hemorrhoids happen when we have too much pressure on our anus (where the bowel movement comes out) for too long. This usually happens (surprise!) when we aren't as careful as we should be about our health. As soon as we get careful again, our hemorrhoids start to feel better in several days. The first way we notice we are better is that our bleeding and pain goes away. The second thing we notice is that the lumps go back inside our body. The third thing we notice is that we can't even feel the lumps inside.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO CURE YOUR HEMORRHOIDS PERMANENTLY

When we fix the issues on the list below, our hemorrhoids go away:

• Posture. If we become sloppy about our posture, like letting our belly hang out instead of sucking it in, our stomach muscles get lazy. They settle down toward our bottom. It's almost like we are always ready to use the toilet. This encourages hemorrhoids. When we are curing a hemorrhoid we have or we think we may be getting hemorrhoids, we suck in our gut, tighten our bottom, and look at our daily posture. After using the toilet, do we use our muscles to pull ourselves back together? Do we have enough stomach and bottom muscle strength and control to keep coughs and sneezes from stressing our our bottom? Is there anything about our daily activities that we could do in a way that would improve our muscle tone?  Maybe a bit of dancing with some hip action such as the conga line (added in 2019)? We can practice putting our chest out, our stomach in, and our bottom flexed. We can do bottom flexing (Kegel) exercises, pulling inward repetitively 100 times daily.


• Daily toilet time and method. The most common factor in our hemorrhoids is too much daily time spent on the toilet. If possible, it would be most healthy to spend less than 30 seconds daily pushing for a bowel movement. That's because while we are pushing, we are putting pressure on the area of our bottom. When we remember, we can try to pull our insides back in before the count of ten, twenty, or thirty. But we may have bad habits left over from from our childhood, when maybe sometimes we would wipe and push over and over because it felt like there was always more after we wiped. And more recently, maybe we end up on the toilet reading something somebody else left in the bathroom. Or maybe we are in the bad habit of using the toilet for number two several times daily. So we stop all that by making just one business-like visit to the toilet for our number two business every day.
  Here is my recommended procedure:
  
  
  
  1. (Added 2012) NO reading material in the bathroom!
     
  2. Prepare your toilet tissue in your hands before you sit down.
  3. Rest your chest on or between your knees with your belly on or between your legs. Rest your hands on your ankles or feet. (see Nathaniel Hawthorne Bronner, Jr., Quick Fasting: How to BM).
  4. Relax and push gently while you count (hopefully to ten or fifteen).
  5. Keep your head down, but lift your bottom immediately and pull back your insides (down) into your body using the muscles around your stomach and bottom.
  6. Wipe yourself gently with your head still down while you practice the pulling muscle action (use your bathroom control muscles) a few times before you stand up all the way. Repeat the action over and over with all the inner strength you can muster, gently pushing the hemorrhoid inward by hand if necessary. "Wow! That was (oof!) fast. I'll be (wince!) better in no time."
  7. Pause (perhaps with head still down) after wiping to allow your body a moment to pull itself together.


• Diet. If your diet has been poor, it is sometimes hard to keep your time on the toilet down to well under 30 seconds daily. If your food doesn't cooperate with good bowel habits, do this: 1) Check that you are drinking enough (and please consider switching to plain water) to keep your urine rather light yellow (you want your urine to look like pale lemonade, not apple juice) and 2) cut out some meat and processed food (white flour, sugar, and refined snacks) and eat some beans, whole grains (2012 update: I'm increasingly aware of undiscovered wheat sensitivities among us; be alert), fruit, and vegetables. On the other hand, it may be that your diet is actually too bulky, with lots of whole grains and beans, which ironically sometime might lead to hemorrhoids if you make too many bathroom trips and don't hold in your urges well. If you have been going too often and your feces are very soft, it may help to cut out the extra visits and let your large intestine do its job of soaking back in extra water while you wait for your daily trip.


• Clothing. If you wear clothes that are too tight around the waist and belly, you get used to pressure in your belly. This leads you to relax your stomach muscles and let your body settle into your pants. This relaxation and pressure contributes to your hemorrhoids. So one thing to do when hemorrhoids become a problem for you is change into clothes that will stay in place even if you use good posture (stomach in, chest out, bottom tight). You may need a lower or higher waist or something like suspenders so you can re-train your muscles to do their job holding in your stomach.

Once we have suffered chronic hemorrhoids, we never forget. I still wince in memory every time I remember to flex my bottom and my gut while I am seated at my computer. But those days are long past now. Best of luck to you! If you can improve this advice or if it helps you, let me know.

New in 2013:  A couple more ideas if you are having trouble sucking in your gut or understanding what I mean.

And here's a conscientious plea: Would you please consider moving your retirement and checking accounts from stocks and banks to a credit union?  It matters.

Tom Haws
The Thin Man
Get Thin
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